King of the Lunchline

Time is the most precious currency and to waste it, particularly when you’re young and healthy, is no better, one could argue, than smoking until your lungs bleed. In spite of the brevity of life, humans love nothing more than to spend their days quarreling over trivial topics without any hope for compromise, such as “Jordan vs Lebron” or “Is there a God”. ASTI students are no exception; during my time at this school, I have had to endure hours and hours of pointless discussion on topics ranging from the psychological underpinnings of Holden Caulfield’s alienation to what Mr. Long should order on TEMU. There is one debate, however, that is so pointless that even the most frivolous of our school’s students don’t bother engaging in it, and that is the question of who holds the title of 'The King of the ASTI Lunchline.' The title belongs, unequivocally, to junior Ali Amiri. “Most of the people I know just see the lunchline as a place to wait to get your school lunch,” Ali told us in an exclusive interview. “But to me, it’s a second home.” Thanks to California’s Universal Meals Program, ASTI now offers free school lunch to all students, regardless of socioeconomic status. Nobody takes advantage of this opportunity to grub more aggressively than Ali Amiri, who the ASTI Phoenix statistics team estimates has consumed over 800 pounds of school lunches since arriving at ASTI. “I give Ali two lunches, usually,” said CJ, ASTI’s beloved lunch lady. “As long as I know I have enough lunch for everybody, he’s getting two. (He deserves it.)” Other accounts place even higher estimates on Ali’s daily school-food consumption, but all estimates lead to one conclusion: Ali is, indeed, a lunch-line legend. “My favorite food is the pretzel dog,” Ali told us urgently. “It’s limited edition. It’s like a normal hot dog, but the bun is a kind of pretzel.” Some of Ali’s other favorites are the salads and the Chocolate Muffin Cream Cheese Bagel Sandwich (or the CMCCBS), Ali’s own invention which he created right here on the ASTI campus. “I see him around a lot with that weird bagel thing,” junior Jacky Kuang told us about his classmate. “He spreads cream cheese all over the bagel, then crushes up a chocolate muffin and puts it inside as if it’s just a normal thing to do. Then, of course, he eats it. He’s a beast.” Lunch lady CJ declined to comment on the CMCCBS. Though Ali loves to eat, his real passion lies beyond the flavorful delicacies like the Pretzel dog, Teriyaki Chicken, and the new Taconada spinoff, the Italianada. Ali is a devout Muslim, and as the president of ASTI’s Muslim Student Association (MSA), he’s dedicated to fostering understanding around his faith and providing a safe space for Muslims and allies alike to discuss the Quran and Islamic values. If you’re interested in learning more about Islam and getting to talk to Ali Amiri in the flesh, stop by Ms. McCoy’s class on Wednesdays for some once in a lifetime wisdom from the King of the ASTI Lunchline.